Tag Archives: Parenting

When do I keep my mouth shut? – Flawed reasoning confronted me.

6 May

Knowledge is important.  And so is wisdom.

I recognized and used both in one conversation last week: knowledge about a hole in someone’s thinking AND sense or wisdom to keep my mouth shut.

I was with some teacher colleagues on an overnight trip with our 6th-grade class.  It was dinnertime.  We sat together, enjoying some adult conversation while the kids jabbered away contentedly over their pasta and meatballs.

I joined the table with my tray as a fellow teacher,  a dad with a soon to be high school graduate, reasoned that he was going to have to offer his younger child, a daughter, the same arrangement he had with this son.  I interrupted the explanation, asking to be brought up to speed on the conversation.

What I learned should not have surprised me, but it did.  Apparently, this father and his wife allow and even have encouraged their son and his girlfriend to sleep together IN their home, in the boy’s bedroom.  Their rationale?  ‘They are going to do it anyway, so we would rather have them ‘do it’ in our home.

The other teachers at the table, all with children of various ages from college-aged down to 5, seemed to agree.

I immediately spotted the flaw in this man’s reasoning.  I WANTED to pose this hypothetical:

  • So, if your son wanted to use opioids, you would furnish them yourself because he is going to take them into his body anyway

That was only the FIRST scenario that came to mind.  I truly was astonished by this man’s blatant lack of chagrin or shame in sharing this information with us. What an open rationale for just about anything an 18-year old boy might find fun or stimulating to do!

HAD I presented that hypothetical scenario about drug use, I would have been using an argumentative tactic called Reductio ad absurdum.

Here’s the rub:  I wasn’t involved in an argument with someone.  I simply was party to a conversation.  No one asked my opinion.  Therefore, as I continued eating, listening and contemplating this example of poor parenting (to say the least), I made the decision to keep my reasoning to myself.

The writer of Ecclesiastes 3:1 wisely penned: There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens:

Guided by wisdom, I believe, I kept silent.  Not only was I not invited to weigh in with my views, I recognized that none of these colleagues shared my Biblical worldview.  None are believers, held captive to God’s truth by His Holy Spirit.

But I did rejoice that I have grown skilled as a Logical Jane to spot so quickly the lack of healthy reasoning.

I hope someone asks me what I think about a similar topic. Soon!  May I, by God’s grace, be prepared to give a reason for what I believe.

 

 

 

 

Logical girl and seeming contradictions

26 Mar

Most of the time when I encounter what seems like a contradiction, it turns out that just thinking clearly for a few minutes resolves the problem.

If thinking coherently can untangle some issues, why am I hesitant to proceed immediately to exercising my mind?  There are a couple of possibilities:

  • we aren’t used to thinking
  • we haven’t been taught to think
  • it takes time to think
  • how do we know if we are right after having thought?
  • our society doesn’t value the invisible world of inner thoughts.  Americans are pragmatists. It’s a DO this….3 EASY steps…..whatever WORKS…culture

Penseur

If someone isn’t DOING something, they are labelled as lazy or as dreamers.  So we avoid thinking, for lack of immediate visible payoff.

But there’s the rub – without clear and logical thought, we can be left with invalid ideas.  And ideas have consequences.   Actions flow from ideas, whether accurate or not.

So much for my detour into why we don’t think.  All that was to explain how pleasantly surprised I was to see an apparent contradiction melt away as I listened to a man think out loud.

The conversation fragment centered around God’s tendency to act differently throughout history AND yet still retain the attribute of unchangeability.  At first the one might seem to preclude the other.

God doesn't change

But listening to this thinker go deeper, I learned otherwise.  God is just, that is, He does what is always right.  THAT is the the quality that doesn’t change.  But as any parent knows, acting correctly toward one’s child looks different at each stage.  The parenting response might change, but the quality of fair and correct discipline and training need not alter.

Protective Parent

 

So a parent can still be considered consistent yet act differently and appropriately at each stage – as can God.  So when some people casually toss off the quip,”I prefer Jesus to the God of the Old Testament,” they are actually communicating that God has changed or there are 2 different Gods.  When you hear that, just ask them WHY?  But be gentle as you lead them to consider how they themselves might respond differently in various situations YET still be considered loving or fair.

My hope is that NEXT time I meet another apparent contradiction, I’ll pause and reflect first before drawing any conclusions.

 

Question: What about you?  what contradiction bothers you?

 

 

Logical Gal and how disjunctive syllogisms help us

16 Oct

Either our government will find a solution for the budget impasse or our country will fall apart.

Our government is working hard to find a solution 

Therefore, it is unlikely that our country will fall apart

Voilà – a proper disjunctive (either/or) syllogism. (Whether it’s true or not, that’s ANOTHER question!)

This way of framing choices is very useful.  Sometimes, however, there are more than 2 options.  And when someone forces you to make a choice, between the two, it is RIGHT to balk and suggest others if they appear to you.

Moms do this frequently, when they are trying to get a child to do something he or she does NOT want to do:

” You can clean your room before going to bed tonight or before going out to play tomorrow morning”

A logical child might say, “Mom, that’s a false dilemma.  How about if I pay my brother to clean my room?  Would that satisfy you?”  Poor Mom!  She had better bone up on logic.

As important as parenting is,  let me direct us to a more serious subject – fear and faith.  The last two days as I’ve been following my Bible reading plan, I’ve come across the same verse in two gospels.  Both Mark 5:36 and Luke 8:50 record Jesus encouraging someone with this logic:  Do not fear, only trust and rely on God. 

The Greek word ‘believe’  or Pisteou (Strong’s 4100)  can be translated this way:  to trust, to believe, to rely on, to put faith in, to entrust, to lean on

The two options are a proper disjunctive – we can either fear circumstances, people, our propensity to make the same mistakes over and over….OR…we can commit our concerns, situations and problems  to God and rely on Him for His help, wisdom, grace, presence, protection and solution.  We can’t do a little of each – simultaneously fearing and trusting. Just think about it:  if we are relying on someone or something, then we are looking to them/it.  And if we are consumed with fear, we are NOT looking at our source of rescue.

Picture a toddler clinging for dear life to MOM.  She is NOT confused about the one she is trusting, clinging to, relying on.

I’ve been helped in a real way these past couple of days as I’ve reminded myself of the fact that there are ONLY TWO CHOICES.  Who wouldn’t want to rely on the God of the Universe who actually promises to supply our needs.  I’m also reminded of God’s  words to us  as spoken through James, half-brother of Jesus, “You have not because you ask not.”